I've heard people say 'chivalry is dead' and I've even used the phrase a few times myself. One day however, I was in a situation where I found myself thinking that chivalry must
really be dead.
It was the usual morning rush hour when everyone in Nairobi is either trying to get to work or school and my normal priviledges of being dropped off at school had been momentarily taken away. So there I was, with the rest of the
wananchi, waiting for a matatu to get me halfway to school. As much as taking public transport in the mornings was a bit of a foreign concept to me, the moment I got to the bus stop, I knew that particular morning would prove to be a difficult one. There was already a tremendous amount of traffic accumulating on the highway and every matatu that passed was full. Since things were not looking too promising, my mother and I decided to walk to the bigger bus terminal, where we would have more hope of getting a bus or matatu.
On getting there, the crowd of people waiting was a clear indication that our luck had run out. There were no public vehicles in need of extra passengers. Just as we were giving up hope, a matatu came charging 50 ksh... 20shillings extra the normal rate. Not that anyone cared about the extra charge. In a moment there was a group of people, men and women alike, shoving and pushing to get on the 14 seater. My mother was lucky enough to get a seat. I was right behind her but some other ladies who decided that their business in town was more urgent than mine, unceremoniously pushed me out of the way and sat on the two remaining seats.
"That's what you get for being nice," I told myself, trying to get over the shock of being so blatantly mistreated. Fortunately enough, another matatu came in less than five minutes and not only was it bigger, but it was also charging the normal rate! The process of getting on however, was another story altogether. Every time I'd get close to the door, a
man would push me out of the way, or stretch his arm over me and grab onto the bars next to the door so he would get on first. And each time it happened, it would be a man. By the time I got on, the only empty seats left were at the extreme back and I couldn't help but notice that the number of men was considerably more than the women. That's why by the time I sat down, I'd decided that chivalry was indeed dead. As dead as a doorknob (or a dodo, as my mom would say :) )
But then I found myself wondering what chivalry actually meant, who started it and who decided what passed for being 'chivalrous'. According to the Oxford Dictionaries online, 'chivalry' is defined as:
the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code: the age of chivalry
the combination of qualities expected of an ideal knight, namely courage, honour, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak: tales of chivalry and knightly deeds
courteous behaviour, especially that of a man towards women: he still retained a sense of chivalry towards women
Reading this definition helped me realise that chivalry is not a common behavioural trait for good reasons. It first came about during the medieval times when knights still played an active role in their society and women did not have much rights, if they had any at all. A knight was expected to be courageous, honourable, courteous, just and ready to help the weak. Even before you bring in his behaviour towards women, he was already
such a gentleman. So what happened? Would it be just to say that how men are being brought up today is the cause of the death of chivalry? Or is it the way women are fighting for equality with their male counterparts? If you ask me, there's no way women and men can be
completely equal. I agree with how women equality started out, because before women had rights, they were treated worse than animals. But it's now gone a little bit too far with women wanting to be able to do
everything a man can do. I'd still want a man to take out the trash for me, open a door, fix the light bulb, change a tyre... All this is stuff I can do myself, but it feels nice to have a man do it for me. It helps me appreciate him more, and I believe he feels appreciated in return. Maybe it's just the way I was raised or the influence of the environment I've grown up in, but according to me, that's how the world is supposed to be. And that's why despite having experienced it a couple of times, I still get shocked when a man shoves me at the bus stop so he can get on first. I don't blame him, he probably knows from first-hand experience that being courteous will cost him a bus ride home, so he does what he has to do. But does it have to be that way? I'll let you decide for yourselves.
I'm hopeful of at least one thing...not all men lack the courtesy. Some still surprise us women with their 'chivalric' behaviour, whether they realise it or not. I just wish they were the majority.
