50 Random Things About ME

A close friend of mine recently posted this on her blog and I just loved reading through it! There were a few things there that I didn't know about her either...guess that's what all these topics are for.

I told her that I liked her post and she challenged me to do the same. So here goes, 50 (hopefully) random things about me:

1. When I was younger, I wanted to be a linguist when I grew up.

2. Currently, I speak 3 languages and none are my mother-tongue :P

3. I had classical piano training as a child.

4. I sing -I'm a natural soprano.

5. My first pet was a goldfish.

6. I once thought a chicken that had stayed in our house for weeks on end was my new pet. Until I came home one day and my "pet" chicken was in the fridge.

7. I've been wearing spectacles since I was 7 years old.

8. I had braces for 2 years in high school.

9. I attended 5 different primary schools.

10. I was lead actress in most of my primary school plays.

11. Often soloist for the traditional dances too :)

12. I helped write a play for our high school Christian drama team -and again, was the lead actress ;)
(okay, I'll stop bragging now)

13. Most people do not think I'm Kenyan because of my name.

14. I'm a coconut -black on the outside, white on the inside. You can call me an Oreo too. ;)

15. I have a number of aerobic routines forever etched in my memory -courtesy of attending my mother's aerobic classes with her.

16. I used to tell people that I had this German stud at home with the warmest brown eyes -and people thought he was a person :D

17. I name my water bottles. Well, I used to when I was in high school...not such much now.

18. My favourite bottle was a lilac one. I named her 'Nina'. Nina had a boyfriend -strong, black and handsome 'Sifa'. He was my closest friend's bottle.

(Jeez, this thing is hard!)

19. My first crush was in Standard 1.

20. I had a crush on a guy named Harry, and soon after J.K. Rowling released the first Harry Potter book. Coincidence? I think not!

21. I believe my fingers are beautiful. Even the one that never quite recovered from it's stint as a sausage finger.

22. My first ever anime love was Usui Takumi from Kaicho wa maid-sama.

23. And my first ever J-drama love was Hanazawa Rui from Hana Yori Dango.

24. Last but not least, my first ever K-drama love: Gu Jun-pyo from Boys Over Flowers.


(Rhoda, do you see your influence? ;) )
25. I'd like to travel to all the continents before I die. So far, I've done one (not counting the one I live in)

26. If I was a teen/young adult in the 80's -the disco era- I think I would have been out dancing every night. Explains why I really like John Newman's Tribute album.

27. My longest-lasting friendship is now in its (approximately) 24th year.

28. That friendship has (unfortunately) been mostly long-distance. It didn't start that way though.

29. My family has moved house 8 times -one house has been moved into twice.

30. I absolutely love musicals. If I lived in America, I think I would be on Broadway.

31. My great grandfather was of Borana origin. Explains our unusual looks when our direct lineage is Bantu. O.o

32. I love the British accent. Especially the high class clipped accent, not so much the Cockney one.

33. Which goes to say that I love British movies.

34. Actually, let’s just say I like European movies. I don’t watch as many of them as I would like to though

35. Greece is one of my dream travel destinations. Ah, the food, the culture, the scenic coasts, the chiseled men…

36. I’m fascinated by white people’s eyes. Some of them have such vivid colours that they seem unreal!

37. I have two doctor aunties. Their names have really opened doors for me on hospital visits ;)

38. My dream house is one that’s been designed by my father and his elder brother.

39. I have more pairs of earrings than I do shoes. And bags. Probably clothes too…

40. My first pair of spectacles were …umm, octagonal (I think) and striped in the Kenyan flag colours.

41. My first Labrador encounter was pure magic. They were our neighbour’s dogs at my father’s house-on-the-cliff. When the tide was out, the dogs would cross over into our compound (that was the only way to access it through the beach) and come play with us. And when evening came, before the tide rolled in, they would go back home, all by themselves.

42. I love the ocean. I believe water is in my essence. Figures since I was born in Mombasa.

43. Funny thing though, I was afraid of the water as a child. I only began to conquer my fear at around 8 years of age.

(Haiya, I’m almost done!)

44.  I love the smell of leather straps on watches. Especially when the strap ages….mmm. J

45. I don’t feel complete without a watch.

46. I love stories on mythologies, magic and the supernatural. So all the TV Series, movies and books on those topics fall into my ‘love’ category.

47. Sometimes, my mother, my siblings and I will put on an accent and speak to each other in it for as long as we can before we crack. It helps if we’ve been watching something that had characters speaking in that accent. :D

48. I'm quite taken by certain smells/scents. Sometimes, they can even take me back to the day when I first encountered that particular smell/scent. 

49. My first musical instrument was a small drum I got as a child from some 'Santa Claus' at an event. It was a really smelly drum. I think they didn't clean the leather properly. I didn't play it cause of that smell.

50. I played the drums for the praise and worship team at a church I used to go to. I was surprised to find I was good at it. I really miss playing the drums. 

Aaaaand, I'm done! That was fun! Hope you enjoyed reading through those random things, I know I enjoyed writing them. 

Stop. Listen.

Consider these two responses

Person 1: I have a lot going on in my life right now... I'm not sure I can handle that as well.

Person 2: I don't have time for such nonsense.

Which of these two people would you immediately understand and/or identify with?

Who do you think has 'more reason' in their answer?

If you're thinking person 1, you're wrong.
The answer is: neither of them.

You see, words have over time acquired certain implications and meanings that they may or may not have had when they were first created. There's no way of knowing for sure, this thing goes back to the creation of language....long, long, looong ago.
So why would you give Person 1 sympathy or understanding and not give the same to Person 2?

Don't you think that they're both saying the same thing? Or is it because Person 2 said 'I don't have time' and 'nonsense' that we immediately jump to conclusions?

Look, both of them are really saying, 'I can't do that' OR 'I won't do that'. All Person 2 did was go ahead and add how they felt about what they were being asked to do. They were being brutally honest. 

And what does brutal honesty get you? Nothing good, most of the time.
And we wonder why people would rather lie.

So what am I saying here?
I'm not sure I really know myself. Perhaps it's just that we need to take time to stop and listen more often than not.

Maybe then people would not need to continually repeat themselves.
Maybe then people would begin to feel heard.
Maybe then...maybe.

Stop. Listen.

PS: I'm very proud to say that the pictures and edits are my own. Quotes have been attributed within the edits :)

Transition into 'real' adulthood

I'm at that point in life where you can no longer hide behind school. First degree is coming to an end and the whole world expects you to be thinking about what career path you'll be taking soon.

The question I've been hearing more often in the recent months is, "Hujamaliza shule bado?" (You're not done with school yet?)
The follow-up is usually, "So, what do you want to do after that?"

Let's be clear. As much as I've experienced a lot of change in my life, I am still not very comfortable with it. I'm scared as hell about this new life transition. And I'm hoping and praying my fear won't make me self-sabotage.

In a bid to cope, I've decided to come up with a few little reminders to keep myself going. Some are quotes I've picked up from my friends, both fictional and real.

1. Change is inevitable. And a lot of the time, it's not too bad. So embrace it, don't fight it.

2. A lot of the time when it comes to big decisions, the right decision and the wrong one look the same. It's only when you take time to scrutinize your decision is when you see you made the right choice.

3. Be YOU.

4. If you're scared or nervous, feel scared or nervous. Then move on. Don't let your feelings make your decisions for you.

5. Breathe. It'll be okay.

6. All is well.

Chronicles of my four-legged friends

I'm amazed at myself.

I have had this blog for nearly three years now and never have I dedicated a post to my favourite pet in the world!! :o 

Weeeell, I do have one post from 2012 where I wrote about my (late) brown-eyed German stud. I miss him so much. Here's a link to that story http://miapensamientos.blogspot.com/2012/01/teaching-old-dogs-new-tricks.html?spref=fb

Anywhooo...

In between the time I took to write this post, I came across an article in The Nairobian (yes, I read it). The article was about annoying habits Kenyans have online and one of them was that they post about their pets. The writer of that article was under the heavy opinion that all Kenyans who posted about their pets were being fake. He or she believes that Kenyans don't keep pets. Domestic livestock doesn't count. :P

I am Kenyan. Pure-bred, born and raised in this beautiful country of ours. There are pure-bred Kenyans like myself who have dogs or other pets that become a part of the family. My own grandfather always had dogs! Nobody in the village would dare step into his compound after the dogs were unleashed. Those things looked like wolves! They may have had husky blood, now that I think about it.

This is a husky.. Guka's dogs looked something like this.

 I got my first dog when I was around 9 years old I think. My mother got it for me partly to deal with the crippling fear I had for dogs at the time and the other part because we finally had the space. And so my first canine love was Snoopy, a cute but shy (like her owner) brown mongrel.

Snoopy may have not been the bravest dog (kinda reminds me of Courage the Cowardly Dog actually) but her loyalty was the kind people die for. She was afraid of loud sounds and of being away from us for too long. Yet whenever any of my family members would walk to the bus stop, a half-hour walk away, Snoopy would escort us there, against our orders. She would trot behind us, stop and cower when we'd yell, "Go back! Home!" Sometimes she would even turn as though she was going back home. However, the moment we would face forward, she'd follow us again. Once we would get on the matatu, Snoopy would immediately turn around and run home.
        At first I was worried she would get hit by a car or something on her way back home without us, but everytime I would come back home, she'd be there waiting. She helped me learn that dogs are not so scary once you get to know them. She got sick and passed away after my family moved house and couldn't keep her anymore. I still think she died of a broken heart.

My next dogs came in twos. We inherited Stella and Neo from my father's colleague. Now those were some HUGE dogs. It was not cowardly to be afraid of them at first sight; it was smart. At the time, my father drove a Toyota Prado. Stella and Neo's idea of welcoming you home was jumping up on their hind legs and looking into the Prado. Yes, that's how tall they were. They could actually look into the car when they stood. And I never really found out what breed they were, but they were definitely pure-bred of whatever that was.
Stella's coat was patterned black and white, sort of like the cows we used to look at in picture books as toddlers. Her son, Neo, was a beautiful jet-black dog. Those two were a formidable force to reckon with. They taught me the practicality of "not knowing your own strength".
Neo was lovable and playful; when he would see us skipping rope, he would come and jump over too. It was fun at first, until he would make it impossible for us to play at all! Stella was older, so she was more laid-back in her affection-showing behaviour. Towards the end of our time together, she got some kind of bone cancer. She was in so much pain that eventually the vet advised we put her down. Neo took a long time to get over her death. When she didn't come back from the vet, he sniffed the whole car and compound looking for her. He spent most of the following nights whining quietly to himself. And much later when he seemed to have forgotten her,  if someone mentioned her name, he would look up thinking she was around. As a thirteen year-old that was painful to watch. It taught me that animals process death pretty much the same way we try to as humans.
We moved house again and left Neo with our neighbour. Again, I was left feeling awful for leaving behind our dog, but I was just a child, I had no say in the matter.

Then came my German-stud, Leo. I got to experience a bit of his puppyhood; missed the rest 'cause of boarding school. My family gave him the name Leo because when he was a puppy, his paws grew faster than the rest of him. Mum said he looked like a lion. So he became Leo the lion :)

German Shepherd puppy

He looked something like this :D But he had a beauty spot on his face

Leo loved baths. He loved water. His favourite thing to do was pick up the hedgehogs that roamed around in our compound and carry them around in his mouth. I think he did it 'cause they reminded him of his ball. Leo never learnt how to fetch, despite his 'obedience training'. The ball game was always violent: throw the ball, Leo runs to get it then he runs around you while you try and snatch it from his mouth. And he would not make it easy for you to do that.

Perfectly describes how Leo behaved! LOL! 

Once more, our family moved house, but this time, my brother could stay with Leo. That didn't prevent him from falling sick though just like Snoopy and Stella. When they put him down, nobody wanted to tell me. Eventually, my mother found a way to tell me.
I called him my German stud because he was a pure-bred German shepherd and he had the most beautiful, intelligent brown eyes, not to mention a ridiculously wide smile when he opened his mouth.

Isn't that eye good to look at?

Last and not least, came Tiny. We thought Tiny would be good company for Leo. She was a mongrel -mixture of many different breeds. Tiny slept in my bed for the longest time as a puppy. She had large floppy ears in relation to her mousy face. Tiny was nothing but trouble. She took the longest to learn not to pee in the house. She and Leo did NOT get along well. Worst of all, she kept running away to be with her siblings (they were in the neighbourhood) and often took Leo with her. I'm sure Leo followed for her sake but still. It scared us everytime we would come home to find the gate ajar and dogs gone.

This was Tiny :)

One day Tiny ran away and we didn't find her. Eventually, our gardener told us that he had seen her with some other people who lived nearby. We decided to let them keep her.

Currently, I live in apartments that do not allow pets. When I move out, I'll probably end up in another apartment that does not allow pets. I'm not letting go of my dreams though. When I get the space and resources, I plan on having a Labrador and a German Shepherd. I want my children to learn how to live with animals; to be appreciative of the rest of nature. Thankfully, the man I am looking forward to marrying shares my dream. ;)

Here's to having pets, learning how to live with animals and appreciating nature.

Labrador Retrievers in their natural colours

 *All photos are courtesy of Google Images except that of Tiny.

Au Revoir

I first listened to this song on my iPod (the old-school first generation version) so I had no idea what the song was called. I just knew I totally loved it.

We all have those moments when we're not ourselves and those we love aren't either. Call them bad days, being 'under the weather', whatever you want to call them.
Point is, life happens. And that is what this song is about.

The violins make the perfect beginning for a song of this magnitude. Good job One Republic!

Today I'm not myself

And you you're someone else

And all these rules don't fit

And all that starts can quit

What a peculiar state we're in

What a peculiar state we're in

Let's play a game

Where all of the lives we lead 

Can change

Let's play a game

Where nothing that we can see

The same

We'll find other pieces to the puzzles

Slipping out under the locks

I can show you how many moves to checkmate right now

We can take apart this life we're building

And pack it up inside a box

All that really matters is we're doing it

Right now

Right now

Holy Ground

Courtesy of Google Images

I have never really liked the idea of shoes on my feet. For some reason, from when I was very young, I preferred to walk barefoot. It did not matter as much that the stones were hard or the ground was hot...if I could get away with it, I would walk barefoot. As a child, my mother would often send me to the kiosk. And every time, I would dash out of the house before she could stop me and force me to put on some shoes. The kiosk was never too far away, so not much damage was inflicted. Still, the number of times I got thorns in my feet! :o

Yet, I would still go barefoot whenever the opportunity presented itself. Somehow, by being barefoot, I felt like I was in better control of my body. I could run faster, cycle better and even navigate the path in a more confident manner. Eventually, as I 'grew up' and began to heed my mother's ceaseless orders that I "put on some shoes!", my barefoot adventures became less and less frequent.

What got me along this line of thought was a post a good friend of mine put up recently. She was talking about some of the things she loves. Since I want to do justice to her words, I will quote exactly what she said:

"I love being barefoot in the grass! (It's what I do when I'm nervous, angry or out of sorts.  Makes it all better) "

My friend's update reminded me that I often find myself doing the same thing when I am in grass. I'll take off my shoes and just let them sink into the grass. 

Courtesy of Google Images

Then I started thinking about the Bible story of Moses' encounter with the burning bush. For those not familiar with the story, this is basically what happened. 

A man named Moses was tending his sheep as he always did in a desert area. Everything seemed as it usually was, until he came across a bush that was on fire. His attention was drawn to the bush; not because it was burning, but because it was not being consumed by the fire. Now that's something you do not see everyday. So, of course Moses moved closer to the bush...probably to try figure out what exactly he was seeing. But as he got closer, the Bible says that the voice of the Lord spoke to him from the bush. 

 “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”

(You can find the full story in Exodus Chapter 3)

Whenever I have heard this story being told, preached or shared, the manner in which it was told always gave me the impression that Moses was told to take off his sandals because they would 'dirtify' (for lack of a better word) the holy ground. However, when I started thinking about how much I love being barefoot; how it helps me feel one with nature; how there are others who feel the same as I do, I began to think that perhaps I got it wrong. 

What if, when God told Moses to take off his sandals, it was not because the ground was too holy to have shoes on it? What if, God told Moses to take off his sandals so that he could experience God with ALL his senses? I believe that God works through many things, including nature. And when we wear shoes, our connection with nature is interfered with. So it is possible, that God wanted to commune completely with Moses.

Now I'm not saying that shoes have no benefit at all. If that was the case, they would never have been invented in the first place. What I am saying is that once a while, it would do us all some good to take a walk barefoot. Be it in the grass, the sand, the water or even inside your house.

 I know that from now on, I will never judge or condemn myself when I do not feel like wearing shoes! 

Courtesy of Google Images

Courtesy of Google Images

Driver vs. Pedestrian

There seems to be an 'existence-long' feud between pedestrians and motorists. I've always wondered about it and it was not until I recently started driving that I began to understand. At least a little bit of it.

During the just-ended semester of school (I say 'just ended' because I'm currently on holiday, yay!), I would drive on two days of the week and use public transport/ walk for the remaining days.

I'm sure everyone who's ever driven in Nairobi knows how stressful it can get. Now picture a young lady (who looks like a teenager) driving a small, old Toyota Corolla. It's like driving around with a big sign saying, "Here, bully me! I'm a pushover."

As a pedestrian, I used to wonder why many drivers would not stop at a pedestrian's crossing, let alone think about it. Now, I'm not talking about when traffic has just been released by the policeman and all drivers are making a mad dash for it before the fateful raised hand traps them for another half hour.
No, I'm talking about normal traffic on a normal road, that has a clearly marked pedestrian's crossing. Whether the people who operate automobiles on our roads went to driving school or not, is a matter that is constantly under debate, at least in this city.
Even then, surely, doesn't common sense tell you that those white lines on the road mean something? Isn't there a voice in your head that says, "Hey, look, someone's crossing, maybe we should slow down and try not to kill them."

Then I started driving and I realised why drivers in Nairobi are always inching closer and closer to you as you try to cross the road. After sitting in snail-paced traffic for a while, free moving traffic is like a drug. It exhilarates you, makes you happy and you don't want it to stop. That literally means that you do not want to stop.

Then you come across some person walking across the road like its the widest thing they've ever crossed. And these are able-bodied, healthy-looking people who have no excuse to be crossing at the pace of a chameleon. On that note, have you ever seen a chameleon walking? It slowly raises its leg, then pauses with that leg still in the air, does some shaky-leg kind of dance before it eventually puts its leg down. You could pull out your hair if you are forced to watch a chameleon move from one spot to another.

So picture that frustration as a driver. This pedestrian forces you to slow down; takes away the high of the free-movement you had been enjoying. Then most likely, you find yourself crawling along again.

So what does the driver end up doing? Everytime they come across a pedestrian crossing, they zoom past, even when they can see that poor pedestrian stranded in the middle of a double lane.

Mentality in Kenya too

And what does the pedestrian end up doing? They time a car that looks like it may stop and they dangerously step onto the road, challenging the driver to run them over by looking them straight in the eye.
It doesn't always work. That's when we hear of the infamous hit-and-run accidents.

Ah, he sees me... I dare you to hit me! I dare you!

So I thought about it and I believe there's a way we can all make life easier for each other. These steps are not foolproof, neither will they bring world peace or anything like that, but they are helpful.

1) Follow the rules. And I mean ALL the rules
 It's that simple, yet not so simple at the same time. Yes, I know, contradictory. But if both pedestrians and drivers followed the rules, the roads would be a much kinder place. This includes keeping your eyes on the road, Drivers.

2) Pedestrians, cross the road quickly and with keen attention. 
This will preserve your life, literally.

3) Drivers, stopping for a few seconds to let someone pass won't kill you. 
If you're late, that's not anyone else's fault, so why make them pay for it?

4) Everyone, take it easy.
Life goes on, regardless of how bad a day you're having. You create the kind of day you have. So don't let all the road rage get to you.

I know this isn't easy. I'm still trying to apply my own steps in my own pedestrian-driver dilemma. But that's what life is about; creating and re-creating.

Have a safe time on the road :)

Conspiracy ~ Paramore

Please speak softly, for they will hear us
And they'll find out why we don't trust them
Speak up dear, 'cause I cannot hear you
I need to know why we don't trust them

Explain to me this conspiracy against me

And tell me how I've lost my power

Where can I turn? 'Cause I need something more
Surrounded by uncertainty, I'm so unsure
Tell me why I feel so alone
'Cause I need to know to whom do I owe

Explain to me this conspiracy against me

And tell me how I've lost my power

I thought that we'd make it
Because you said that we'd make it through
And when all security fails
Will you be there to help me through?

Explain to me this conspiracy against me

And tell me how I've lost my power

How?

How I've lost my power?

That thing called Faith

Mark 16:1-3

When the Sabbath was over, Mary

Magdalene, Mary the mother of James,

and Salome bought spices so that they

might go to anoint Jesus’ body.

 Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb

 and they asked each other,“Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”

If you've never heard of this story, its in the Bible, right after Jesus was crucified and buried in the tomb. These three women, Mary Magdalene, Mary mother of James and Salome were among those who had been following Jesus during this 3-year ministry.

If you have heard of this story, well then you know that although these women worried about that huge stone covering the tomb, they soon found out that the problem was sorted out for them.

I was reading this again recently and it struck me that, whether they knew it or not, Mary Magdalene, Mary and Salome exercised faith. Think about it for a moment...
These 3 women would have never been able to roll away that tombstone by themselves. Yet notice what they did. They went anyway.

They could've called some men to help them roll the stone away. They could've asked for more women to join them. Maybe then they would've been able to roll it away. Joint effort, you know?
But nope. They just went, ready to prepare Jesus' body.

It got me thinking, when I know I should do something, do I just go? Do I just do it? Or do I first plan everything in my mind...make sure I'm properly organised...have a solid plan, then go?





It takes a lot of faith to just get up and do, whether you're a Christian or not. So shouldn't it be easier for us who believe and profess Christ in our lives? We have something we believe in, something solid, as much as we may not see it. We're not just relying on ourselves. Therefore it should be easier for us to have faith. Should be. That doesn't mean that it always is.

The subject of faith is one that always brings one of my closest friends to mind. She amazes me by her faith. She does it literally; believing in what cannot be seen. And she does it not just once in a while, or when push comes to shove, but she does it everyday of her life.





I aspire to be like her. I aspire to be like Mary, Mary Magdalene and Salome. I aspire to be a woman of faith.

Men and compliments

A few days ago a man stopped me to tell me that I look good. Now I know all the ladies understand how this usually goes. Most men will smile suggestively or wink and give you a 'compliment' as they eye you like they want to devour you. "Eish msupaaa!!" is what you usually get as a young woman. What was different with this situation is that this man did not act as expected.

I was walking home after a long day, laden with house shopping. The sun was in my face, the paperbags were heavy and I was tired. So when this guy tried to stop me with an "Excuse me," sure enough, I ignored him. But he stopped walking and said,"Hi." I stopped too, thinking maybe he was someone I knew and just could not remember (trust me, it happens often enough). That's when he said,"You look good." And immediately, he walked away. I was so surprised that he had no other intentions that by the time I said thank you, he was too far to hear me.

I walked home smiling to myself and thinking how unusual that was. The man just complimented me and moved on. I even posted this situation as my Facebook status cause I found it refreshing (I was only going to tweet it, but Twitter was down at the time...lol).
I think this is how the world should be..people complimenting each other just to let them know, instead of using it as an opening statement to a 'hit-on'. Is that a word by the way? Hit-on?

So, this post is dedicated to all the men out there who can compliment complete female strangers without asking for more. And women, when a man does that, don't get caught up and start thinking he likes you. Such behaviour (when he was genuinely just giving you a compliment) is a sure way of making him never do it again!

Soo many books

Am I the only one who has been caught by surprise at how fast this year is moving? Things that happened in December (and I mean the last few days of December) seemed to have happened eons ago. And now it’s already the 6th day of March! Where are the days flying to?

When I think about why this subject bothers me so much, one of the things that comes to mind is a challenge I gave myself. You see, I love reading novels. Always have, always will. I read for many different reasons but the major one is to get out of my own life situation and into someone else’s. It’s pretty cool once you discover all that you can learn from reading about someone else’s life. In fact, sometimes you may find that what you read about addresses certain aspects of your life exactly. It may not necessarily be areas that you have ‘issues’ with…even everyday things you do can be related to the characters. So back to my challenge.

I joined a website called Goodreads which basically provides book lovers with an avenue where they can tally the books they've read, join discussions about their favourite books among other things. Goodreads provides an opportunity to any willing user to challenge themselves to reading a certain number of books in a year.  And as you've probably guessed by now, I decided to challenge myself with 55 books in one year. I assumed that it would be easy-peasy since I am a fast reader. However, I underestimated a couple of things:


1) The fact that I would drive to school at least twice a week, instead of taking a matatu. This automatically reduced the number of free hours I would have used to read my novels.
2) That my courses this semester would be more demanding than I anticipated.







And hence my current situation: an overload of assignments + required housework =less time to read books = me being 2 books behind my challenge.

*Sigh* I should actually be working on an assignment right now, not blogging. A friend of mine, Lulu, tried to tell me that I should just forget about this post and focus on my assignments, but I knew that I would not be able to concentrate until I'd let this out. Now that I'm done though, I suppose it is time to get to the assignments (Shout out to you, Lulu :) ).

What it means to travel by bus/matatu in Nairobi

I was rushing to class one evening, already late and looking for the bus that would leave sooner than later. And sure enough as I got to the Kencom bus stop, I saw a bus with its nose sticking out onto the road, its conductor standing on the last step holding out a finger, shouting, "Mmoja, Kawangware, Kawangware."

Happy that I had seen it, I started walking faster, all the while praying under my breath, "Lord please let them wait for me. Please don't let that bus leave me!" I had almost reached the bus when I saw another young lady approach the door. Disappointed, I slowed down, thinking to myself that I would now be properly late for my class. But then the lady stopped just at the door, exchanged a few words with the bus conductor and then stepped away. That was when I realised that I still had a chance to catch that bus! I walked quickly to the door. The lady was standing not too far off, but she did not seem sure about whether to get on the bus or not. So I got on and immediately (just like they always do) the bus pulled away.

The conductor pointed out one of the seats in the front and I almost smiled at the turn of events. I had gotten a bus that was leaving immediately and now I did not have to sit at the back! I was overjoyed! I should have known that there was a reason that seat in between two ladies was empty.

From the moment I sat down, I noticed that the lady seated on my right looked a bit....umm, how I do I put it? Unusual. I gave her a quick look over and the first thing that hit me was not even her clothes. It was the smell. Immediately I turned my face away, trying not to make a face as I did so. The woman on my left looked at me, gave a nod in the direction of the 'smelly lady' and wrinkled her nose. That's when it hit me that she knew I was fighting against the smell. AND, to make matters even worse, she had knowingly left that seat empty so that some poor sucker (who turned out to be me) would be the one to suffer the smell. I was so angry at myself at being late and thereby being desperate for a bus which had led me to the situation I was in now. But what could be done? I truly was desperate. Otherwise I would have found some way to get off the bus. So that left me with only one option: grit my teeth and bear it.

I'm not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing, but the smelly woman had her window open. So I guess it worked both to our advantage and disadvantage. The advantageous aspect of it was that her smell was not engulfing the whole row of seats. The disadvantage, I'm sure you can guess it. Every time the breeze blew in, it carried that smell with it. I looked for so many different ways to distract myself that I even started trying to identify that smell.

It was not sharp like ammonia or acidic like sulphuric acid. In fact it was almost bearable, if you did not inhale too much of it that is..

It hit me (pun intended) what it smelt like. Musty plastic. Like a paper bag that held wet clothes for a really, really long time. 

Well, that's what you get when you travel by public transport. 

 

To Great music and Inspired musicians

Have you ever come across a certain musician or group of musicians whose songs always seem to relate exactly to your situation (be it current, past or even future)? Well, I have. And over the last year, there has been one specific band that has been God-sent with tailor-made messages for me :)

I'm pretty sure they have no idea how uplifting and inspired their songs are. But either way, I appreciate the fact they have let God use them to reach people like me.

And so I dedicate this post to appreciate a Godly inspired band... Tenth Avenue North.



Song #1 By your side

The best thing about this song, is that it does not necessarily have to apply to a certain situation. It can work well whenever. But I believe its particularly strong when as a Christian, you feel like your out-of-sorts in your relationship with God. We all seek to be loved and this song addresses that as well. 

Here are God's words to you, beloved child :)

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

Chorus:

'Cause I'll be by your side

Wherever you fall

In the dead of night

Whenever you call

And please don't fight

These hands that are holding you

My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

(Chorus 2x)

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

(Chorus 2x)

Lyrics taken from http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tenth_avenue_north/by_your_side.html

Song #2 Oh my dear

Now this one is actually one of the first songs that led me to the realization that someone far away, both in time and space, can still be a comfort to you, a complete stranger.

This one is more of a story..

I called you up you were in bed

Could barely make out the words that you said

But you wanted to see me instead, so I got dressed

And I stepped out into the snow,

And walked for a mile or so

Felt the rush of blood come from the cold, in my chest

Well, you finally came to the door

And we talked for an hour or more

Until I asked if you would stay up till four

You said, "That's fine."

But you said, "There something that I have to say,

And I can't because I'm just so afraid."

And so I held you as you started to shake, that night

Oh my dear, 

I will wait for you

Grace tonight, will pull us through

Until the tears, have left your eyes

Until the fears, can sleep at night

Until the demons that you're scared of

Disappear inside

Until this guilt, begins to crack 

And the wait falls from your back

Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight

Verses:

You slowly lifted your head from your hands

You said, "I just don't think that you'll understand,

You'll never look at me that way again 

If you knew what I did."

And so your tears fell and melted the snow

You told me secrets nobody has known

But I never loved you more even though

Now I knew what you did

Oh my dear, 

I will wait for you

Grace tonight, will pull us through

Oh, my dear,

I will wait for you

Grace tonight will pull us through

Until the tears, have left your eyes

Until the fears, can sleep at night

Until the demons that you're scared of

Disappear inside

Until this guilt, begins to crack 

And the wait falls from your back

Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight

Until the tears, have left your eyes

Until the fears, can sleep at night

Until the demons that you're scared of

Disappear inside

Until this guilt, begins to crack 

And the wait falls from your back

Oh my dear, I'll keep you in my arms tonight

I'll keep you in my arms tonight

I encourage you to look them up on Youtube and be as blessed as I was! :)

We are Broken by Paramore

In honour of a song I've been playing on repeat and an amazing artist I discovered :) 

I am outside
And I've been waiting for the sun
And with my wide eyes
I've seen worlds that don't belong

My mouth is dry
With words I cannot verbalize
Tell me why
We live like this




Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me

We are broken
What must we to restore
Our innocence
And oh the promise we adored?
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole

Lock the doors
'Cause I'd like to capture this voice
That came to me tonight
So everyone will have a choice

Under red lights
I'll show myself it wasn't forged
We're at war
We live like this

Keep me safe inside
Your arms like towers
Tower over me, yeah

'Cause we are broken
What must we do to restore
Our innocence 
And oh the promise we adored?
Give us life again
'Cause we just wanna be whole

Tower over me

Tower over me

And I'll take the truth at any cost

'Cause we are broken

What must we do to restore

Our innocence

And oh the promise we adored?

Give us life again

'Cause we just wanna be whole

Photo sources: google pics and Viria13 on deviantart.com

For Praise and Worship teams and lovers of music...

Whenever someone asks me when I started singing, I always respond in the same way.
"I've been singing for as long as I can remember," I respond. After that usually follows stories of how I spent my childhood doing two main things: singing and reading. Whenever I was sent to bed at night, I would always go with a book. And if I was still awake after my parents had turned off the lights, I would sing myself to sleep. In fact, I'm surprised at myself that I've taken this long to blog about me and singing/music.

I remember listening to Shania Twain, Mariah Carey, Celine Dion and Whitney Houston on the radio and trying to imitate them, even when I was as young as five or six years old. I quickly discovered that it took me a shorter time to learn songs than most people; I only had to listen to them twice and that was it. Somehow at that young age, I also knew, without having been told, that I had a nice voice. However, my biggest obstacle was that I was extremely shy. And so all these 'mini performances' would be done in secret, or when I thought no one was listening (hence singing in the middle of night when everyone's asleep). The first time I publicly sang for anyone was when I was in class 8. Even though the audience at the time was just a small group of 14-15 year old friends, I'll never forget it because it was the first time I had ever willingly sang for anyone.
But that's not why I'm writing this post today.

Just to set a proper background, let me explain how I got into praise and worship. My mother constantly looked for opportunities to push me out of my comfort zone and use my talents (remember the shy aspect?). She even signed me up for our church choir, but I never went for practice. My excuse? 

"Mom, they're all so much older than me. What will we talk about?"

I was sixteen. Everyone else in the choir was married with children, probably in their late 20's/early 30's, but you know at sixteen that seems ancient! Mom's justification was that we would be singing, so there's nothing to worry about. Still, I wasn't convinced. So it wasn't until I joined high school that I actually started leading one or two praise and worship songs, learning and understanding the purpose behind it and growing both spiritually and musically.

I must also mention that my father has been a huge musical influence in my life. He's collected music since they used to be in LP's... you know, those huge round plate-shaped things that were played on a record player? Those ones. :) His music collection is expansive and his knowledge quite impressive considering he went to nobody's music school (that's how my mom would put it :) ). He's constantly complaining that worship leaders do not know how to lead songs. Other than being able to sing, he says that its important to pick a key that's comfortable for everyone -both men and women. Also, he believes that the one leading should always sing in melody and not harmony. And you know what? I completely agree with him. I've had issues with worship teams that sing like they're putting on a performance. Key is too high, everyone's harmonizing, leaving the congregation lost. And being a worship leader myself, I'm conscious of not just singing for the sake of singing but serving God and people by creating an avenue to worship Him.

From my observations over the years (and trust me, I've been to many churches), it seems to me that many worship teams are not aware of their purpose in the church. I was discussing this issue with my mom and we noted that this problem seems more prominent in Nairobi than it is in Mombasa. (I grew up in Mombasa and now live in Nairobi) It seems that more emphasis is put on everything being perfect -the voices, the harmony, the instruments, sound. Leaving the aspect of leading the congregation into worship forgotten. It saddens me to think that this is what it has come to, particularly because I am in the music ministry.

I don't remember how, but somehow I came across a post that addressed all the issues I had been asking God and myself about. And because I feel myself beginning to ramble, I'll leave it at this.

Leading praise and worship should ALWAYS all be about leading people into worshiping God through music. The moment that is lost, I'm not sure if it still remains relevant. Now, I don't say this to judge or condemn, but merely to enlighten. Remember, I'm part of a worship team as well. I know all the struggles you go through, all the sacrifices you make and how hard you work at it. Yet, we still have to remember that we are constantly learning. Just as you are learning how to serve God, I am too.

You can find the post I mentioned when you follow this link:
http://forsclavigera.blogspot.com/2012/02/open-letter-to-praise-bands.html

Memoirs of an Amateur model: Part 3

Author's note: I know this last installement is waaay overdue, and I apologise greatly for keeping you waiting. I hope the story's not too stale to be enjoyed though ;)


The Actual Event

The morning of the day we'd all been waiting for found me rushing to the salon to get my hair and fingernails done. I had my fingers crossed the whole time -as we were buying the hair extensions, as my hair was being plaited in lines, as my wonderful hairdresser started sewing the extensions on...it had to look good. And I had to like how it looked. Otherwise I would not have the confidence to pull it off.

Within a couple of hours, my hair was finished and I loved it!! You can decide for yourself if the look worked.

The event was to be held at Pride Centre in Westlands. Since I live in the area, I told our choreographer that I'd find my way there instead of meeting up in school first with the other models. Needless to say, I got there hours before everyone else, although in their defense, it is much harder to get a group of people organised than two or three people. :) I sat and watched the sound team as they finished their set-up, glad that I had the extra time to calm my nerves and run through all the choreographies in my head.

Everything seemed set by the time the other models and our choreographer arrived. Everything, that is, except the most important thing. The runway.

The first problem was the runway was not as wide as we'd expected it to be. That posed a big issue because all our choreographies required space, enough space for at least 4 models standing side-by-side. Yet the one they had set up for us was only wide enough for two people.

Then as though to add salt to injury, there were no steps leading up to the runway. And this runway was about knee-high for the shortest models, meaning that stepping onto it required taking a huge step.

You can imagine therefore, the panic that ensued when the other models saw the runway.
         
 "We can't fit on this runway! Look! Even passing each other is going to be a problem." said one as she demonstrated walking past another model on the runway.
         
    "And some of us even have props! How are we going to pass each other without hitting each other?"
 
          "Where's Nelly? Has she seen this?"

We started looking for Nelly, our choreographer, to show her the mess of a runway in front of us. When I think of it now, its funny how we were all showing her the runway...its like we were children who had witnessed a sibling make a mess of something and were telling on them. Anyway, thanks to Nelly's quick thinking, we quickly re-ordered the choreography and started practising, despite the absence of steps. By the time we had gone through all four choreographies, all the female models were complaining of paining thighs, myself included. You would be too, if you had to take a huge step onto a platform with 4-6 inch heels!

Typically of most Kenyan events (unfortunately) the Triple 'B' awards started late, forcing us to run around feeling rushed and harrased from the moment we had our dinner. The event had been coined "Triple 'B' awards" because it was a combination of the Student of the Year awards and Mr and Miss Daystar. Hence the three B's to represent Brilliance, Beauty and Brains.

 The school had organised for only one lady to do our make-up, who only realised that she could not handle all 8 models plus the female MC all by herself after she started on the first model. *sigh* Thank God there was another lady in the dressing rooms who just happened to have an extra make-up kit and the knowledge of applying to go. So I sat down on the chair, dressed in the 'introduction' outfits, draped myself in a leso to avoid spills and got ready to have my face powdered and 'made-up'. I was eager and nervous to get my make-up done, particularly because this was going to be the first time in my life. Now I wish I was not as eager about the make-up.

The 'helper lady' took one look at my face and said, "Why didn't you do your eyebrows? Oh my gosh, they're so thick, I'm not sure the eye shadow will be seen!"
   
In my defense, I did not 'do' my eyebrows because I was afraid of getting a botched-up job. Have you ever seen a woman with no eyebrows? Or one whose eyebrows have been cut so thin she looks weird? I didn't want to end up looking like that! And there was no one to recommend a good 'eyebrow person' so I just let it be. However, listening to that lady remark about how 'bushy' my eyebrows were really made me start reconsidering whether I had made the right decision. She looked and asked around for a razor blade or a pair of tweezers, before she changed her mind saying she did not even know how to do it. So I thought that was that, and she would just try her best to work my make-up around that. Oh I could not have been more wrong! Yes she started powdering my face and all, but the whole time she kept pointing out how 'bushy' my eyebrows were and how she was not sure the eyeshadow would be seen and why hadn't I just gotten them done, and...and..and. By the time she was done with my make-up, my self-esteem had been pushed down several notches down. To make matters worse, there was no mirror nearby where I could check my reflection to see if things really were as bad as she was putting it. I asked my close friend who was helping me get into my outfits how the make-up looked and she said, "Okay." That did not help. But what was I to do? It was just a few minutes to the start of the pageant. So I just had to believe I looked good enough.

The good thing is that the moment I stepped out from behind the curtain and into the blinding lights, my senses were dulled and adrenaline took over. I smiled, swayed my hips and walked like we'd been taught to, feeding my energy from all the cheers and screams (Oh, they finally put some steps for us btw). Although I could tell who was more popular with the audience from the different levels of screams and cheers, I paid no attention to that. I knew my parents were rooting for me from the audience and my boyfriend was backstage,   cheering me on, and that's all I really needed. The rest of the night felt like such an out-of-body experience that I had no time to feel cold or tired until the very end.

The 'introductory' outfits, sponsered by Orange -Telkom Kenya

After every outfit showcase, I ran back into the dressing room to get changed into my next outfit. In fact, it turned out that for the rest of the night, Cherelle and I were always the first girls to finished getting dressed.

For casual wear, this is the dress I picked out:

For dinner wear, here's how my partner and I looked:

Traditional wear was a solo affair ;) (see what I did there?)

And finally, to honour my love for music, my creative outfit!

Another model and I

Walking down the runway

I'm also glad we all managed to look good together. We got the synchornised part, eventually!

My partner was awesome :)

When it got to the Q&A section, everyone was prepared for application questions, because that's what we had agreed with our choreographer. It so happened that the judges either did not get the message, or just decided to surprise us. So instead of application questions, we got 'general knowledge' questions on the university. Thankfully, I knew the answers to the questions I got, but some of the other models were not so lucky. When we got off stage, they protested loudly and asked to have another round of questions. I tried to tell anyone who would listen that it would only make us look worse, but apparently, no one heard me. So they called us out again and asked us all the same question.

"If you were crowned Mr/Miss Daystar, what would you do for the school?"

Now, when you're all asked the same question one after the other, first thing that happens is you quickly run out of answers because everyone is basically saying the same thing. But at least this way, everyone had some time to fabricate an appropriate answer.

By this time, it was almost midnight and the judges still had to deliberate over who to crown winners. Everyone was tired, and when I say everyone, I mean the guests and the models alike. We waited anxiously outside as the judges took what felt like an extra hour to make a decision. By that time all I really wanted was to lay down and sleep; I did not even care if I had won or not. That quickly changed when we were called back to hear the results. The MC called for drum rolls. They came on and suddenly, my heart was racing, my palms were sweaty and I had knives turning in my stomach.

Second runners-up was announced: Lena Adhiambo
"Okay," I thought to myself. "There's still first runners-up"

First runners-up : Cherelle Ouko, my 'changing' buddy. Then I started wondering if it was possible that I had won. My stomach was really causing havoc on me at that point in time. I could hardly breathe.
   "And the winner of Miss Daystar is.... Eva Wagaki!"

My heart fell. I had not won. As I applauded numbly and watched Eva overcome her shock, I just wanted to get off stage, go pack up my stuff and go home. My parents had even gone to the car the moment the winner was announced. I did not realise just how disappointed until my boyfriend hugged me backstage and told me I was a winner to him. That's when I started crying.
I had put in my all and believed I actually had a chance at winning, only to end up disappointed.

It was only days later that I finally came to appreciate all I had learned from that experience. My self-esteem ended up being boosted because I understood that I was beautiful, and did not need anyone to tell me so. Also I got to meet new people, some of whom became friends. Ultimately, I had gotten the experience of a lifetime. Something I was sure I would not be able to replace with anything.